


War of Hearts

by RightNow2808



Category: Tennis RPF
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:28:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26732122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RightNow2808/pseuds/RightNow2808
Summary: Rafa is getting married tomorrow. Something feels different for them.
Relationships: Roger Federer/Rafael Nadal
Comments: 14
Kudos: 53





	War of Hearts

**Author's Note:**

> hii,  
> i know i haven't posted anything for a long time, but i thought it's really sad how few fedal fanfics there are recently  
> i actually started writing this around the time of Rafa's wedding, but then i stopped writing altogether  
> i wish i could say i would start writing more but my second year of medical school starts tomorrow so there might be a year or two before i post again (joke)  
> i really wanna finish hotter than the sun, but i have zero inspiration right now, so it will have to wait a little longer  
> anyways, i hope you enjoy this  
> please leave comments and kudos, i wanna see how many fedal fans are here :)

The sun was at its highest when they met up for lunch in a quiet restaurant in Porto Cristo. They sat down at a table in a secluded corner and ordered.

“Are you nervous?” Roger finally asked after a few moments of uncomfortable silence while Rafa fiddled with his fingers and Roger played with his cutlery.

Rafa looked at him. He had dark circles under his eyes, his skin didn’t have the usual glow and he looked more distressed and anxious than ever. “Yes,” he finally replied, cracking his knuckles, and looking around uncomfortably.

“Why?” Roger asked, trying to catch Rafa’s eyes, but the Spaniard couldn’t settle. He seemed relieved when his phone rang.

“Sorry,” he said to Roger, who just nodded helplessly, before picking up.

Roger looked at him while Rafa spoke in quick Mallorquin, too fast for Roger to catch a single word. He seemed like he was arguing and looked more pissed with every word until he finally hissed something and hung up. Roger didn’t know this man.

“Sorry,” Rafa apologized again after stuffing the phone back into his pocket. “Marriage stuff.” He buried his face in his hands, rubbing over his skin and dishevelling his hair. He seemed to realize how unsettled he appeared after a second, brining both of his hands to lie on top of the table.

Roger reached over the table and rested his hand on top of Rafa’s to try and calm him a little, but the Spaniard pulled it away like it burned him, looking around nervously. Roger sighed, bringing his hand back to rest in his lap.

“Why did you invite me?” he asked. Because until now, he thought that he knew. He thought Rafa wanted him there to be part of a day that would mean so much to him, to share a little bit of his joy, but also a little because he needed him. Now it seemed that Roger being there just made Rafa more stressed and Roger felt like Rafa didn’t even want to come to lunch with him, let alone have him at his wedding.

Rafa sighed, rubbing his hands over his face again. “Sorry, Roger, I’m so sorry.” He bit his lip, finally looking at Roger and he suddenly seemed so vulnerable that Roger wanted nothing more than to hug him, but he wouldn’t dare after getting such a strong reaction before after just touching his hand. “I just… I’m not sure I want this.”

“You’re not sure you want what? Me being here? Because it’s not a problem, I can leave right now if that’s what making you so stressed,” Roger started, but Rafa was already shaking his head after Roger’s first few words.

“No, no. I always want you here. Te quiero, no?” Very tentatively he brought his hand towards Roger’s side of the table, his palm turned upwards and after a second, Roger took the hint and put his hand in Rafa’s, gripping his fingers.

“Then what? You’re not sure about the wedding? Getting cold feet is nothing unusual, baby. But you’ve known Mary for fifteen years, Rafa! You’re so right for each other, you love each other, that’s what you want, remember?”

“I love you more,” he whispered, so quietly Roger barely heard him. This left him completely speechless. They had talked so much about this, about Rafa’s marriage, and while the ultimate decision was Rafa’s, they had both agreed that this was for the best.

María knew about them, had known from the beginning and was always aware that this was a part of Rafa, a part of him she could never have and she accepted it, because Rafa always made it up to her and because their relationship had always been a bit distanced with Rafa travelling so much. And she was used to it. When Rafa was at home, he was hers. When he travelled, he was Roger’s.

After time she had grown to like and even love Roger. She loved him because she made her boyfriend the happiest man alive and because he was overall a good person who was too difficult to dislike.

But Rafa didn’t propose to her because she was convenient, he proposed to her because he genuinely loved her and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. He just didn’t know if he could commit to the fact that this meant he and Roger could never be more than lovers.

But he couldn’t explain all of that to Roger. Instead he just shook his head and let go of Roger’s hand, leaning back in his seat.

“Never mind,” he said softly and before Roger could inquire what the hell that meant, the waiter brought their food. Rafa dived into his spaghetti with shrimps and let Roger know he was done talking about it, so Roger let it go, cutting into his steak although food was the last thing he wanted in that moment.

They ate in complete silence and didn’t speak until much later after they were walking the short distance to a small hotel where Roger was staying. Roger didn’t come to Mallorca often, but when he did, he always stayed in a hotel, never at Rafa’s home. It was one of Mary’s rules and they respected her wishes.

“Rafa, it’s gonna be okay,” Roger finally said, looking sideways at him. Rafa sighed but didn’t reply. “You’ll see. Nothing has to change.”

“I know,” Rafa agreed, but he couldn’t tell what was really bothering him. He couldn’t call off the wedding now, there was absolutely no chance, the guests were already on their way and everything was ready. Nobody, absolutely nobody would understand that.

They didn’t speak the rest of the way to Roger’s hotel.

“When do you have to leave for dinner?” Roger asked after closing the door of his room behind them.

“Dinner is at eight. We have to leave at seven. I promised Mary I am hone at six so we can get ready together.”

The dinner on the evening before the wedding was meant for their closest friends and family, and Roger decided he wouldn’t go, even though Mary said he could with a soft smile. Everybody at dinner would stay the night at La Fortaleza, so they were both painfully aware that those few hours they had were the last ones before Rafa became a married man.

Rafa stayed by the door, fiddling with his jacket, while Roger went further into the suite, throwing his own blazer over the back of the couch and sitting down on it.

“Come here,” he said, but it was more a question than an order. Rafa threw his jacket on top of Roger’s and slowly came towards the couch. He seemed to be contemplating where to sit, until Roger finally grabbed him by the wrists and pulled him forward to sit into his lap, straddling his thighs. Rafa smiled sheepishly, his hands on Roger’s chest.

“Then we’ll have to make the most of it,” Roger said, bringing one of his hands to rest on Rafa’s cheek, stroking his fingers over the stubble. “You have to shave,” he added.

Rafa brought his own hand up to cover Roger’s and sighed. “I will, no te preocupes.”

They looked at each other for a few seconds, neither of them knowing what to say. It was difficult. They knew it was coming, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. Finally Rafa leaned in slowly, pressing his lips against Roger’s in a sweet, soft kiss.

“I’m sorry I’m a pain in the ass,” Rafa said against Roger’s lips. Roger laughed, brushing his nose against Rafa’s.

“It’s okay. I understand. Tomorrow’s a big day.”

“Yes, it is,” Rafa replied softly, almost in a whisper. “But I don’t wanna talk about it now. Just wanna be with you.”

Roger smiled before leaning forward to kiss Rafa again. Rafa brought his hands up and wrapped them around Roger’s neck, trying to bring them as close as they could possibly go. Roger licked Rafa’s lips and gently coaxed them open, tasting Rafa inside. He still tasted a little bit like the lunch they had but it didn’t bother him. Underneath he could almost sense the taste of Rafa’s favourite toothpaste.

He wrapped his arms around Rafa’s waist, pulling him close until their torsos were pressed together, feeling the heat radiating in between them.

Rafa whimpered when Roger tilted his head and deepened the kiss, eagerly kissing back, his fingers tangling into Roger’s hair. He ran his fingers through the soft strands, tugging lightly when Roger’s teeth grazed his lip.

“Roger,” Rafa gasped, and tentatively thrust his hips forward, finding out that Roger was getting hard, just like him. They have last seen each other in Geneva for the Laver Cup, and it’s been too long since then.

Roger’s hands went down Rafa’s back and settled on his ass, squeezing and pulling him even closer if possible. Rafa groaned appreciatively at that, his hands on the sides of Roger’s face while he kissed him.

Rafa’s hips moved against Roger’s like so many times before, Roger’s hands on his ass guiding him.

“Oh, sí,” Rafa moaned, his lips moving down the side of Roger’s face to his neck, where he bit and suckled gently.

“God, Rafa, stop, do you want everybody to know what we did tomorrow?”

“Maybe,” Rafa replied, but still pulled his teeth away, soothing the bite with his lips and a kiss, before moving his lips back to Roger’s and kissing him again. His hips moved against Roger’s on their own while his fingers slipped down Roger’s face to the buttons of his shirt, unbuttoning them one by one until he could reveal Roger’s chest and run his hands all over his skin.

Roger moaned, shaking the shirt off his shoulders before reciprocating and he quickly unbuttoned Rafa’s shirt, impatiently pushing it off his shoulders until miles of Rafa’s golden skin were visible to him. He ran his hands all over Rafa’s shoulders, his strong arms and his torso which was slightly less tanned than the rest of him. His fingers stopped at Rafa’s dark nipples and he pulled on them to get a high moan out of Rafa. From there his hands went further down until he could unbuckle Rafa’s belt and pulled it free, throwing it away.

Roger rubbed Rafa through his jeans, feeling how hard he was, and he couldn’t supress a little growl of pleasure at that. He couldn’t wait a moment longer, he unbuckled Rafa’s jeans and pulled the zipper down, reaching inside Rafa’s boxers.

Rafa let out a little hot moan into Roger’s mouth at that, his lips going almost slack against Roger’s. His hands went from Roger’s back up into his hair, tangling his fingers into Roger’s strands and holding on while pleasure consumed him.

“Oh, God,” he moaned, his hips twitching forward into Roger’s hand. Roger breathlessly agreed, closing his fingers around Rafa’s hard length and stroking him.

Rafa felt his whole body tighten in pleasure, breaking the kiss to be able to breathe. Roger watched Rafa’s face, his mouth open, eyes squeezed shut, his skin a rosy colour and already covered with a layer of sweat. God, Roger will never get tired of Rafa’s face like this.

“Jesus, look at you, you’re so beautiful,” he said quietly, making Rafa open his eyes and look at him almost shyly, a small smile spreading over his lips.

“You too,” he panted, his breaths coming out in quick, quiet gasps. With one last tug to Roger’s hair he pulled his hands away to reach in between them and tried to get Roger’s pants open. “Rogi, need you.”

Roger couldn’t agree more with that. As much as it pained him, he pulled his hands out of Rafa’s pants, the Spaniard giving a little whimper of loss at that and batted Rafa’s slow hands away, making a quick job out of unbuttoning his own jeans and pulling down the zipper.

They kissed again then, so hungry for each other, until Roger decisively pushed Rafa away, both of them panting, their eyes dark.

“I want you on the bed,” Roger said, and his voice was so authoritative Rafa didn’t even think before clumsily climbing off Roger and making the few steps to the bed. Roger followed him quickly, only stopping to remove his shoes and socks, before he stopped at the side of the bed looking down at Rafa.

The Spaniard was shirtless, his golden skin on full display and Roger still couldn’t believe he was so lucky to be able to have him. He leaned down, unlaced Rafa’s Nike shoes and pulled them off, his socks following. Then he climbed on the bed, straddling Rafa’s legs, still unable to take his eyes off the beauty in front of him.

He leaned down and kissed Rafa’s stomach softly, Rafa’s muscles fluttering under his touch.

“Don’t tease,” Rafa said with a whine, but Roger could never help teasing Rafa just a little bit. He kissed all over the skin of Rafa’s chest and stomach, giving special attention to Rafa’s nipples. He took each one into his mouth, licking and sucking and enjoying the sounds Rafa made. He reached down and pushed Rafa’s boxers out of way until he could get his cock out, stroking and fondling him.

Rafa’s hands were tightly gripping the sheets, his knuckles almost white. The combined feelings of Roger torturing his nipples and stroking him was too much and Rafa whimpered, arching his back off the bed, the muscles in his legs spasming.

“Roger, Roger, please,” he whimpered, but he didn’t even know what he was asking for. Roger finally pulled away and grinned down at Rafa, his hand never ceasing its work in between Rafa’s legs.

“I know what you need, baby,” he said, leaning down and kissing Rafa’s cheek softly. “But I want you to say it.”

Rafa blushed dark at that, shyly averting his eyes, biting at his lip. Roger couldn’t believe he could still be so shy after everything they did. He tightened his grip on Rafa’s cock and the Spaniard groaned at that, letting go of the sheet so he could grab and stop Roger’s wrist with one hand. He was so sensitive, he would come too soon if Roger continued like that. Roger smirked at that and climbed off Rafa for just long enough to hook his fingers under the waistband of Rafa’s jeans and pull them down together with his boxers. He didn’t waste any time, he did the same to himself until they were both naked, flushed and sweaty, so hungry for each other.

Rafa automatically spread his legs to make room for Roger in between them. The movement of his body was known to him, the words were still not. But Roger was relentless. He caressed Rafa’s thighs with both hands, from his knees almost up to the place where Rafa wanted him the most, but Roger was still looking at him expectantly, waiting for him to say it.

“Tell me,” he said, leaning down and kissing Rafa’s hip bone, first the left one and then the right one. “Tell me what you want.” He closed his teeth on the skin just below Rafa’s right hip bone and Rafa groaned, resisting the urge to grab Roger’s hair and push his face just where he wanted him. “It’s just us here, baby,” Roger continued, now leaving butterfly kisses over the place where Rafa’s leg met his body.

“Okay, Roger, please, fuck me?” suddenly burst out of him. Roger grinned and Rafa blushed even darker but to Roger that only made him hotter and more beautiful.

“That’s what I wanted to hear.” After pressing one last kiss to Rafa’s belly button, he pulled himself up, kissing Rafa on the mouth, until his lips were red and swollen, before reaching to the nightstand where he kept lube in his toiletry bag.

“Will you turn around for me? I want to taste you.”

Rafa shivered all over that, despite the sweat covering his skin, his lips parting and a small whimper escaping, before he quickly obeyed Roger’s wish and rolled over on his stomach. He parted his legs, feeling only slightly self-conscious about his nakedness and position. It was like Roger always sensed it, every single time and didn’t waste any time in leaning down, covering the small of Rafa’s back in soft kisses.

“You’re perfect, baby, so beautiful.” He pressed a kiss just above the swell of Rafa’s ass and the skin there broke in goose bumps.

“Thank you,” Rafa replied, so softly that Roger barely heard him.

At the first swipe of his tongue over Rafa’s hole it was like the last of the tension left him with a high moan. This was what made Rafa’s body respond in every possible way, his muscles visibly twitching and spasming under his skin, his hands were tightly gripping the sheets beside his head, his hips twitching and dragging against the bed, his toes curling and his lips, letting out the sexiest whimpers and moans. That’s why Roger loved doing this so much. It reduced Rafa into a whimpering and begging mess.

“Ah, sí, Rogi, please, more,” he was saying over and over again, a string of words connected into an incoherent sentence. How could Roger resist him?

He parted Rafa’s cheeks with both hands to gain better access. In response, Rafa’s legs spread further apart, all traces of self-consciousness or shyness gone. That’s what Roger wanted. He wanted Rafa to feel beautiful and sexy and hot in his own skin, because that’s exactly what he was.

He licked him open, trying his best to relax the tight ring of muscle for what would come afterwards. Rafa tasted fresh and clean, no doubt having showered and cleaning himself just before lunch because he knew what would happen.

Rafa’s breathing sped up, his hips rutting against the bed, his whimpers and moans getting louder and higher. Roger knew Rafa was close and he doubled his efforts, reaching in between Rafa’s legs with on hand to play with his balls, rolling them around in his palm, squeezing gently while fucking Rafa with his tongue until his jaw hurt.

It was all worth it when Rafa’s body tightened up, screaming hoarsely as he came. His hole tightened sporadically against Roger’s tongue, his balls twitching in Roger’s palm. Roger licked him through it, using the other hand to keep Rafa in place, until his orgasm passed, and he lay completely relaxed on the bed, looking as dishevelled as ever. That’s when Roger moved away, panting and so aroused his cock was starting to hurt.

Rafa turned around to face Roger, looking like a satisfied cat, his skin more golden than ever against the white sheets and Roger was in love. He leaned down and kissed Rafa, neither of them caring where his mouth had just been.

“How you feeling?” Roger asked against Rafa’s lips.

Rafa smiled, his cheeks dimpling. “Amazing, you’re so good.” Then his eyes trailed down Roger’s body, stopping on his cock, deep red and completely hard and he reached out, almost like in wonder and wrapped his long fingers around it, stroking him. Roger groaned appreciatively, but only let it go on for a few seconds, before he batted Rafa’s hand away.

“You still want me to fuck you?” he asked. While he enjoyed everything Rafa ever had to give him, he always preferred playing with Rafa’s body, he loved how he could play him like an instrument and how responsive Rafa was. He could wait a little longer as long as he had his hands anywhere on Rafa’s body.

“Of course, always,” Rafa said, a little bit of shyness returning after his orgasm, but his eyes were still unfocused, and he was still deeply relaxed, and Roger wanted him to stay like this forever.

He reached for the lube what was lost in between the sheets somewhere. He pressed two fingers in Rafa after getting them wet and the Spaniard groaned, still so sensitive. His legs automatically tried to close but Roger wouldn’t have any of that, making sure Rafa’s legs were spread wide open with his free hand so he could see everything.

He knew Rafa’s body well enough to easily find his prostate, pressing his fingers against the spot just to see Rafa’s eyes roll into the back of his head and his soft cock twitch weakly.

“Oh, God,” Rafa moaned, even his voice starting to sound wrecked.

“You love this, baby, don’t you?” Roger asked, even though he already knew the answer. He twisted his fingers and then pressed against that spot again, seeing Rafa shudder and gasp.

“Sí,” Rafa replied, once again blushing.

“I know you do. I love it too. You look so good right now, I wish you could see yourself.” Rafa could never get used to all the compliments Roger gave him. He loved them, it made him feel so loved and special. He moaned appreciatively, unable to find any words to respond.

Roger grabbed one of Rafa’s hands that were still fisted in the sheets and brought it down in between his legs, until Rafa’s fingers were touching the place where Roger’s fingers disappeared into his body. A guttural moan left Rafa’s lips at that, his cock filling in quickly, almost painfully.

“I want you to feel yourself,” Roger said. He pulled his fingers out of the wet heat and helped Rafa guide his own fingers inside. Rafa moaned, high in his throat. It wasn’t the first time he fingered himself, not even the first time in Roger’s presence, but there was something hot and dirty about the way Roger used Rafa’s fingers to fuck him, guiding them in and out at the pace and strength he desired.

Finally the impatience seemed to get to Roger and he pushed Rafa’s fingers away. He took the lube again and made sure he was thoroughly wet, before he settled close in between Rafa’s legs, one of his hands gripping Rafa’s calf.

“You ready?” he asked.

Rafa nodded breathlessly. “Sí, Roger, yes, please.”

How could Roger resist that? He leaned down, pressing a quick kiss to Rafa’s lips, before he took a hold of himself and pressed inside. Rafa groaned at the first feel of Roger slipping inside him, opening him up. Even after all these years it stung a little bit, but Rafa welcomed the pain, even enjoyed it. He grabbed Roger’s hips and helped him go inside at the right pace.

Roger stilled when he was fully inside, waiting for Rafa to get used to it, both of them panting. They kissed slowly, Rafa running his hands over Roger’s back and into his hair.

“Okay?” Roger asked when they parted for air and Rafa nodded, shifting his hips. His cock twitched where it was already completely hard again on his tummy.

“Yes,” he added like an afterthought. Rafa’s eyes were unfocused, his cheeks a beautiful pink colour and Roger smiled at the sight. This was Rafa’s happy place.

“I’m gonna move now, okay?” Roger asked and Rafa nodded again. A second more and he would have started begging Roger to move.

Roger drew his hips back and set up a strong but slow pace that pushed Rafa up towards the head of the bed with every movement and that made him cry out every time Roger’s cock rubbed over that special place inside him.

Rafa grabbed the headboard with one hand. He needed something to hold on to while pleasure coursed through his body.

They kissed messily while Roger picked up the pace, their sweaty bodies pressed together. Rafa’s sensitive cock rubbed against Roger’s torso with every single push and he knew he couldn’t last long. He was still so sensitive from before, feeling each drag of Roger’s cock inside him sending sparks of hot pleasure into the rest of his body.

Roger broke the kiss and moved his lips down Rafa’s neck. He kissed his collarbones before moving even further, back to Rafa’s nipples he loved so much.

“Oh, yes, Roger, please, yes, yes,” Rafa moaned, feeling that he was already close to coming. He sneaked his hand down and touched himself, stroking up and down in time with Roger’s quick thrusts.

Roger moaned at the sight, straightening up to get a better angle, pushing Rafa’s legs even further apart, holding his thighs in place. “Fuck yes, fuck yes,” he was saying, fucking Rafa in a punishing pace, watching as Rafa’s skin got even redder and sweatier and his eyes even darker and more unfocused.

Roger was so close and watching Rafa stroking himself without a trace of shame left was so hot, he only needed-

“Fucking hell, you’re so hot,” he grunted, his fingers on Rafa’s thighs tightening, his hips moving on their own now, chasing the pleasure. He felt Rafa tighten around him with each thrust, whimpering and moaning and begging, but it all sounded far away over the sound of blood rushing through his ears.

He pushed inside Rafa one- two- three more times before he was coming with a grunt, his eyes closed, fingers tight on Rafa’s legs, moaning in pleasure. He emptied inside Rafa – they haven’t been using condoms for years – and slowly fucked him until it was over and the heat inside his belly cooled down.

He opened his eyes then and looked down at Rafa, who was still desperately hard, still stroking his cock. His skin was shining with sweat and Roger would keep him like that if he could, but at the moment he couldn’t keep him suffering anymore. He pulled himself out, Rafa giving a little whine of disappointment, but Roger was sure he would like what was coming.

He batted Rafa’s hand away and leaned down, taking Rafa’s cock into his mouth without a preamble. Rafa groaned, throwing his head back. Roger sucked him off, moving his mouth up and down, swirling his tongue around the head and when he felt Rafa’s cock twitch inside his mouth, knowing he was close, he pushed inside Rafa’s opened and leaking hole with two fingers, finding his prostate and mercilessly pushed against it. Rafa came with a scream, his body spasming, his hands tightly gripping Roger’s shoulders, hard enough to leave marks.

Roger hummed appreciatively when Rafa came inside his mouth, swallowing and then licking him through it, fingers still working at his prostate until his body relaxed against the sheets, tired and satisfied.

Roger licked him clean, right until Rafa started going soft and pulled his fingers out of him. Seeing Rafa’s hole, all red and puffy and with his come leaking out, he couldn’t resist. He parted Rafa’s legs as far as they would go and leaned down, licking inside. Rafa whimpered and shivered, a tear slipping from his eye.

“Rogi, no,” he said, threading his fingers through Roger’s hair and pulling him away. Roger smiled and licked his lips.

“You taste delicious,” he said and Rafa would blush if he could get any redder. Instead he pulled Roger down until he could kiss him, tasting Roger’s come and himself in the kiss.

He was bone tired and he barely registered Roger going into the bathroom to retrieve a wet towel with which he wiped him off, before he was asleep.

***

Rafa woke up because he felt someone shaking him. He sleepily opened his eyes, blinking a few times to clear his vision. Roger was lying beside him, smiling.

“How are you feeling?” Roger asked him. Rafa yawned, slowly starting to feel his body. He was sore in all the right places and felt a lot less stressed than before lunch.

“Muy bien,” he replied, unable to even think in English. Roger smiled at him.

“I’m glad,” he replied. “I don’t want to rush you at all, but it’s five and you should probably go home.”

Rafa groaned, checking his watch. It was true. While he didn’t need much readying for the dinner, he had promised Mary that he would help her with anything she needed.

He climbed off the bed, needing a second to steady himself, before disappearing into the bathroom. For some reason Roger didn’t follow him, even though he had never before passed on the opportunity to shower with Rafa.

While Rafa was sleeping, snoring softly, Roger couldn’t help the thoughts running through his head. This was the last time. The last time they had sex and Rafa wasn’t yet married. They agreed that nothing would change afterwards, but Roger knew that was impossible. They won’t be able to help themselves. Every action brought change, and this was such a big event it was bound to leave consequences.

Rafa emerged from the bathroom just five minutes later, a towel wrapped around his hips, his hair still wet. They got dressed in silence, some of the tension from the lunch came back in between them and Roger hated it, yet he didn’t know what to say to ease it.

After they were both dressed, they stood by the door, not knowing how to say goodbye. This felt so final, like a goodbye between them never did before. Rafa turned away from Roger, his hand hovering over the doorknob and in that moment, Roger thought that that was it. Rafa was leaving without a goodbye. His heart squeezed painfully. He would see him tomorrow at the wedding, see him kissing another woman, see people congratulate them on it and he would be unable to do anything about it.

But then Rafa turned around and threw himself into Roger’s arms, squeezing him close to himself.

“I love you,” he said. “I promise.”

Roger, chocked up and with a stinging feeling at the back of his throat couldn’t immediately find his words. Rafa gave him a tiny smile and then disappeared through the door, before Roger could tell him he loved him too.

***

Roger watched the whole ceremony in a haze. He locked the feelings inside him, not letting them show. He was afraid that if he thought too much about it, he would start crying right then and there and how would that look. He clapped politely, he smiled and nodded along. He was happy for Rafa, he truly was and there was no one better for him than Mary, but it still hurt.

He supposed that was normal. He didn’t let himself dwell on it for too long. When it was time to congratulate the newlyweds, he did so with his most perfect smile, kissing Mary’s hand and shaking Rafa’s. The wedding band on his ring finger was like a punch in the chest for Roger and he couldn’t meet Rafa’s eyes, no matter how much Rafa searched for his gaze.

The celebration lasted well into the night and Roger was tired of keeping up a façade for the whole day. He wanted to go back to the hotel – by himself of course – where he could stop pretending that he was just Rafa’s good friend, happy to be here at the wedding.

At around one o’clock in the morning he found himself standing outside in the cool air, on one of the many terraces of La Fortaleza. He was staring down towards the sea and for the first time in the whole day let his smile drop. He heard the door open and he sighed, plastering the smile back on his face and turned around to face whoever was coming.

It was Rafa. He wasn’t expecting him. They were looking at each other for a moment. Roger wondered if he should congratulate him again. He didn’t know how to act, he didn’t know what to say. Fortunately for him Rafa did.

He stepped towards Roger in quick steps, hugging Roger so tightly it almost knocked the air out of him. Without a thought Roger wrapped his arms around Rafa and held him close, feeling Rafa’s warm body.

“Thank you for coming here. Thank you for being with me. Love you. Love you,” was Rafa saying into Roger’s neck and Roger squeezed him even tighter. A memory of Roger’s own wedding crossed his mind. Rafa didn’t come. He didn’t want to come, and it turned out well, because Mirka didn’t want him there either. But at the time Roger was deeply hurt by that and almost a little bit angry. He couldn’t believe that after everything they did for each other Rafa wouldn’t do that for him. But now he understood. He saw with his own eyes and felt with his own heart how difficult it was to let someone go like that.

So he held Rafa and kissed his cheek. “You’re welcome.” Rafa knew the sacrifice Roger made and Roger was thankful for that.

There were security cameras all around so Roger didn’t dare kiss him on the mouth. Instead he squeezed him a little tighter, before letting him go completely.

“You better get back to your wife.” There was no sarcasm or contempt in his words, just a plain statement. Rafa smiled and nodded.

“I’ll come see you tomorrow,” he promised. “Before you leave.”

Roger nodded and watched Rafa go back inside. Immediately he could hear him laugh. Somebody must have said something funny.

Roger turned back around towards the sea. A single tear slipped from his eye and he angrily wiped it away.

*FIN*


End file.
